Wednesday, September 23, 2009

What Can't Mohamar Find a Room

Mohamar Gadhafi Can't Find a Room

It seems that Libya's Col. Mohamar Gadhafi is having some problems finding a place to stay in New York. He's in town for the U.N. meeting and tried to find a place in the Bronx to stay. Unfortunately, when his aid told the people that owned an upscale townhouse that he would be in town and would need two places for about a week or so and oh, by the way, he's from Sri Lanka, they started doing a little checking.

Mental note to self: Mental Check List for Hotel Reservations for the next time I need a place to stay for the U.N. conference: 1. I probably need to start checking a little earlier than a few days before the conference starts. 2.Don't be too picky about the place. 3. Don't tell people I'm from Sri Lanka, because, wait for it, I'm not.

After I heard the story about Col. Gadhafi …

Okay, I have to stop right there. If I'm the president, prime minister, king high mocus, supreme leader or owner of a country like Libya, I'm going to make myself at least a general, not just a lowly colonel. Even I do start out as a colonel, I will eventually “promote” myself after I feel like I've earned the respect of the other colonels in the unit or have otherwise dutifully fulfilled the obligations of my time as colonel.

But I digress.

Anyway, after I heard the problems with Col. Gadhafi's travel plans, I started feeling a little sorry for him. After all, another world leader had a little trouble finding room in the inn in a little town of Bethlehem. I figured I would start doing a little digging myself and attempt to find Gadhafi some lodgings. Here are the transcripts:

Call #1 – Waldorf Astoria – New York City

Reservations Specialist: Thank you for calling the Historic Waldorf Astoria Hotel in beautiful New York City, my name is Monica, how my I be of outstanding service for you today?

Me: Oh, hey, Monica, hi. I'm calling on behalf of Col. Mohamar Gadhafi today. The colonel is gonna be in town all week with the U.N. thingy and I was just wondering if you had a couple of rooms for him and the gang.

Reservations Specialist: Let me check on that for you, sir. (pause) Thank you for holding, I'm still checking on that, sir. (pause) Thank you for holding, I'm still checking on that, sir. (pause) Thank you for holding, I'm still checking on that, sir. (pause) Thank you for holding, I'm still checking on that, sir. (pause). Thank you …

Me: Uh, Monica. You don't have to keep saying that. I know you're there.

Reservations Specialist; (pause) … for holding, I'm still checking on that, sir. (pause) Okay, sir. It seems we do have two double king rooms for one week available for the weekly rate of $9,647 per night. Would you prefer non-smoking or smoking?

Me: Oh, wow, I forgot to ask. I'll say smoking. He looks like he might enjoy a fine cigar at least. Let's make that reservation then.

Reservations Specialist: That's super great, sir. What did you say the name of the reservation is again?

Me: Col. C-O-L-O-N-E-L. Mohamar. That's M-O-H-A-M-A-R. Gadhafi. That's G-A-D-H-A-F-I.

Reservations Specialist: Okay. I'm sorry, sir, did you say, Mohamar Gadhafi?

Me: That's right. I call him “The Colonel.”

Reservations Specialist: Right. I'm sure you do. I see here that actually I was looking at the wrong date. We don't have any available rooms. I'm so sorry.

Me: Oh. Okay.

Reservations Specialist: Can I help you with a reservation for any other guests? Perhaps someone who doesn't promote terrorism around the world?

Me: No, that's all.

Reservations Specialist: Thank you for calling the Historic Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Beautiful …


Next call to the Holiday Inn in Brooklyn, New York.

Operator: Thank you for calling the Holiday Inn. How may I help you?

Me: Hi, I would like to make a reservation for, I don't know, about 10 rooms.

Operator: And when would you be arriving, sir?

Me; Uh, today.

Operator: For how many nights?

Me: about a week I guess.

Operator: Checking on availability for 10 rooms for seven nights beginning this evening. I'm showing I have 8 double beds and two king's plus rooms, can I go ahead and hold those for you? What is the name?

Me: Yes, please. The name is Gadhafi.

Operator: I'm sorry, sir. Did you say Gadhafi? As in Mohamar?

Me: Yes. I have a Visa number …

Operator: Sorry, sir. We seem to be all sold out. We are very busy with the United Association of Screenprinters of America or some such convention this week. So sorry.

Click …

Last Call – the Motel 6 in Schenectady, New York.

Operator: Hello, this is Abrahim. For whom may I leave the light on?

Me: Hello, Abrahim. I would like to rent some of your lodgings?

Operator: Yes, we have lodgings available for when you need them.

Me: I haven't even told you when I need them yet.

Operator: We always have rooms available. We're in Schenectady, New York, sir.

Me: True. Well, I would like to rent at least 10 rooms for about a week. The name is Gadhafi. G-A-D-H-A-F-I.

Operator: (long silence) … I'm sorry, sir. I see here that the Greater Schenectady Area Chamber of Commerce has a large Tupperware Convention in town that night.

Me: That night? I haven't even said What night yet …

Operator: I understand, sir. Thank you for calling the Motel 6. We'll leave the light on for you.

Well, Colonel. I did the best I could I hope you find some place. If not, there's a KOA somewhere near Buffalo that has a few spots left. Perhaps a tent and a Coleman lantern?

Let me know how it goes.

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