Friday, September 18, 2009

New Prayers for Married Couples

British Catholics are urging married couples to pray before sex now. You can about it here

I thought it was an interesting article. According to the article in the USA Today, "a Catholic charity in Britain says it believes couples should pray together before engaging in sex — and to help them along, it has composed a special prayer for the occasion.

The special prayer "asks God 'to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes..
Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will," it adds. "Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, forever and ever.'"

Good stuff.

It is also very beneficial if, while caught in the act by innocent children, parents now have a valid excuse.

Innocent child: (sound of jiggling of the locked bedroom door) Mommy?
"Praying" mommy: Yes, dear?
Innocent child: What are you doing? The door is locked.
Praying mommy: We're uh ... we're er ... daddy and I are praying.
Innocent child: Oh (long sort of awkward pause) Are you almost finished?
Praying daddy: Not quite. Now go watch "Bob the Builder."
Innocent child: It's a commercial. Can I have some doughnuts?
Praying mommy:Yes, baby. They are on the counter. Don't interrupt mommy and daddy while they are praying.
Innocent child: Okay. (longer, awkwarder pause) Can I pray too?
Praying couple: NO!

It would save a lot of needless little "white lies," such as "Mommy and daddy are cleaning the room." Or "mommy went to the store."

This might also be a good time to introduce some prayers for other couple activities. Here are a few suggestions:

Prayer before grocery shopping:
"God, we ask that you guide us through the store and help us to only pick out healthy items (except Twinkies) that will help our bodies do service for you. May it be double couple day when we get there. And may the Express Lane be our guide and we ask thee for forgiveness as we try to sneak in 13 items instead of 10."

Prayer before going on date night
"Lord, we humbly come before you now as we about to embark on another night of dinner at Applebee's and a movie starring (insert Hollywood starlet here). Lord, this is Melissa, your humble servant and wife of Ted, the less than enthusiastic participant in date night. I ask that you forgive him for his incredibly bad attitude towards chick flicks and may he not order the chicken fried chicken again - you know what the doctor said about his cholesterol. And please be with our babysitter as she keeps the blessed fruit of my womb and if she calls again during the movie, forgive my "French."

Prayer before going to a pretentious church:
"Lordeth, we just cometh before thee, Lord, to ask for thy blessings upon us, God, just, just as we travel, Lord yeah even venture on towards, just  thy, Lord's  house on this, they day that thou madeth. We humbly beeshech thee, Lord, just may you, Lord, just  verily, verily  watch over us during the service, which thou has, just ordained since beforeth the beginning of all time, Lord. Yeah, verily verily. We also, Lord, just want to thank you for what thou has to teach us todayeth. And Lord, after we leave the thy house after hearing the wonderful sermon about thy love, Lord, thy forgiveness, Lord, thy kindness Lord, just forgive our restaurant servers, who willeth bringeth our bounty . For we know they will be so upset when we treateth them rudely and then refuseth to leaveth them an ample tip, yeah, verily if any tip at all. We give 10 percent to thee, Lord. How could we ever give 20 percent to your servan'ts servants."

Prayer before watching reality television:
"Lord, bless our time of escapism as we sit down to watch "Dancing with the Stars" and "American Idol." We ask that you be with all the competitors and judges and that you bless Simon Cowell and that British dude on "Dancing with the Stars." May they both remember to be kind to your creation and not be as rude as they were on Season 3. Bless our time together and keep us from shouting at the telvision such vile things as: "Oh, my goodness. If that girl wants some Respect, she is gonna have to stop butchering Aretha." And, "Please tell me that British dude didn't just say 'your dahncing just doesn't seem inspired.' Who does he think he is?"

I'm working on a couple's prayer before going to the mall, cleaning out the closet and emptying the dishwasher. Maybe later. 

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