Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Living the Rock Star Life

Last week I was a rock star.
“Rodney,” you may be asking, “aren’t you are a rock star every week.”
The answer is complicated but, yes, I am a rock star every week. This week I’m also going to write about it and let everyone else take part in my rock star lifestyle, even if it is just through the written word.

Last week, I also tried a new drug. That drug is called Charlie Sheen.
Stay with me here.
Many of you may or may not know about the now famous — or is it infamous — Charlie Sheen’s The Violent Tornado or Truth Tour that is tearing across the country. Well, last week it made a stop in Dallas and I was there.

For those of you who may not know, Charlie Sheen is a Hollywood actor who has recently made headlines because of a very successful television show called “Two And a Half Men.”

I’m just joking. Sheen made headlines recently because he is a raving lunatic. There’s really nothing wrong with being a raving lunatic. In recent years, there’s been several celebrities who have shown their lunatic side: Mel Gibson, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Rush Limbaugh.

Haha. That’s another joke. Britney Spears has actually acted pretty normal over the last few years.

As I said, it’s okay to be a raving lunatic, but it can, as Sheen admits, get you fired from very lucrative television programs.

In the past three or four weeks, Sheen has been on of the most-often Googled names on the Internet — The Source Of All Truth. Most people want to know the latest happenings in his life and commit to memory some of his more famous quotes.

I have committed to my own memory: “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen.” “Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.” And one of my favorites: “Here’s the good news. If I realize that I’m insane, then I’m okay with it. I’m not dangerous insane.”

Is Charlie Sheen insane? Of course, but aren’t we all.
When the tour schedule was first announced and I saw the Dallas date, I did like most U.S. Americans and thought, “What could Charlie Sheen possibly do to entertain a crowd for two hours?” I also made a firm commitment to myself not to buy a ticket.

But when a good friend called last week (Thanks Laura Lee and Glenn Pirtle) and said they have free tickets to The Violent Tornado of Truth tour, I immediately jumped up and said: What show?

Then I remembered Charlie Sheen was coming to town and I jumped at the opportunity to take advantage of free tickets. I made a commitment to not spend money on the tickets, I never said I didn’t want to go.

So my wife and I went.
When we pulled up to the American Airlines Center in downtown Dallas the placed looked abandoned. I thought I was at the wrong place or had the wrong date and time. Maybe I was at The Calm Winds Of Mediocrity Tour.
Oh, well, I thought, the show is free and the adult beverages are on the inside.

So we went in.
The Pirtle’s tickets were actually very nice seats in what the AAC calls the Platinum Level.

Hello. Did I mention I’m a rock star?
We immediately got on the special elevator that took you directly to the
Platinum Level. We were joined by two other members of the AAC staff. For a brief moment, I thought we might be the only people on the Platinum Level that night, but we soon found about 10 others also had seats up there.

The Platinum Level, we soon learned, was where all the suites are located at the AAC. That’s where many other Dallas area rock stars sit to watch the Dallas Mavericks, the Dallas Stars and Yanni concerts.

Haha. That’s another joke. Nobody goes to see Yanni either.
We decided to make sure we would find out where our seats were before the show started by ordering adult beverages at the bar. We figured there would be plenty of time for a seat search later.

We were right.
The adult beverages were cold and tall and about the same price as a small, privately-owned aircraft.

We drank them slowly and sat down in an area reserved for VIP rock stars only. We soon discovered we were the only ones there.

As we enjoyed our beverages, we saw people going in and out of the suites in front of us. They would sneak in, take a photo and sneak out.

Challenge accepted.
We decided to also go in and snap a quick photo and make up some story for later. We decided to sit down for just a few minutes and take a few pictures of us in the seats.

Well, it wasn’t long before other people started to come in and sit with us. They didn’t say anything. We didn’t say anything.

That’s a good place to start and take a time out for a teaching moment. If you aren’t supposed to be in an area, just act like you are and everything will be just fine. I learned that in the Army.

We wound up staying in the suite the whole night. After a couple of odd
introductions and some free adult beverages, how could we really leave?

As we were leaving “Amy,” the hostess, asked us where we were from and if we were “customers.”

I honestly don’t even know what the company does or what the company’s name was, but I thanked her profusely for her hospitality and told her firmly that, “yes, we were more than likely customers of her company.”

She thanked us for coming as I stumbled out the door.
It was a great time.
Oh, as for The Violent Tornado of Truth Tour? Did I mention the adult beverages?

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