Prepare For Any Job Ever: 12 Skills You Need To Learn Now

 

Learn These Skills, Stay Employed

There’s an old saying that says, “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will probably buy a huge bass boat and never come home.” That may or may not actually be the way that saying goes, but it’s something about fishing.

Regardless, the basic premise is if you want to survive, learn a skill. I was reading a blog post from Austin Kleon the other day about the importance of learning a skill (Read it here). One of the things he says is “I would recommend thinking about what the world needs, thinking about what you have to offer, and working hard to build a skill set so that you can fill that void.”

I agree totally. The only way to stay employed in this crazy world is to develop the skills necessary to survive.

The Future of Newspapers And The Mark of the Beast

After working in the newspaper industry for years, kids (and adults) would ask me the future of journalism. The short answer is: I have no freakin’ idea. But the longer answer is: It’s not going away. It may change, but it’s not going away.

People are going to want to read stories about their neighbors. They are going to want to know what’s happening in their community. The key is telling the story. That skill — the skill of crafting a story — is not going to go away. In the future that story may get told totally online, in the cloud or beamed directly into our heads through the Mark of the Beast, but we will get stories. And somebody has to tell them.

There are some very basic things that all humans should know how to do — build a fire, cook, change a tire, and how to record “Keeping Up With The Kardashians — but there are also some basic skills that will keep most homo sapiens employed long past the rise of the apes. Storytelling is one of those.

Cartoonist Scott Adams (famous for his Dilbert comic strip) said there are “12 core human skills” that if everybody can be in the top 25 percent (very good) at most or all of these skills, they would never be out of a job. Author Josh Kaufman wrote a blog post about it here here. 

You can read the 25 skills yourself, but they are: information assimilation, writing, speaking, mathematics, decision-making, rapport, conflict resolution, scenario-generation, planning, self-awareness, interrelation and skill acquisition.

The History of Every Job Ever 

I did a little research myself some minutes ago on the Internet — The Source Of All Truth — and came up with a list of basic jobs that have that have been around since homo sapiens crawled out of the goo and started talking on their cell phones. Each of these jobs requires one or more of the skills that Adams put in his list.

My list of basic homo sapien jobs and skills required:

1.     Farmer – Grows things. He solves problems and provides for a group of homo sapiens. Skills needed: information assimilation, mathematics, decision-making, planning, and skill acquisition.

2.     Philosopher — Studies the important questions of life and tries to answer the question, “Why are homo sapiens here?” And then she shares that answer with other homo sapiens. Skills needed: information assimilation, writing, speaking, scenario-generation, self-awareness, interrelation and skill acquisition.

3.     Artist — Translates the biggest questions of life and explains them to homo sapiens through words, paint, musical notes, videos, movies, acting, etc. Skills needed: writing, speaking, rapport, scenario-generation, planning, self-awareness, interrelation and skill acquisition.

4.     Tradesman — These are the homo sapiens, who build and make things. One homo sapien designs a product and a tradesman homo sapien brings that vision to reality for the rest of the homo sapiens to enjoy. Skills needed: information assimilation, mathematics, rapport, planning, interrelation and skill acquisition.

5.     Merchant — A merchant is a homo sapien with, for lack of a better term, the gift of gab. She can talk to any homo sapien and convince that homo sapien that he needs whatever she is selling. It’s a rare homo sapien gift. Skills needed: information assimilation, speaking, mathematics, decision-making, rapport, planning, interrelation and skill acquisition.  

6.     Statesman/Politician — These are the leaders of the of the homo sapien world. They set the vision, offer solutions to problems and negotiate peace between groups of homo sapiens. Skills needed: information assimilation, writing, speaking, decision-making, rapport, conflict resolution, scenario-generation, planning, interrelation and skill acquisition.

7.     Warriors — Warriors have no fear. These homo sapiens are willing to put their lives on the line for other homo sapiens. Skills needed: information assimilation, decision-making, rapport, conflict resolution, scenario-generation, planning, interrelation and skill acquisition.
    
      All of these jobs are still around today in one way or another. Nothing changes. And these skills will always be in demand. 

 

Forget the Resume, Learn a Skill

Basically, if you learn all or most of the 12 core human skills, you can do any of the jobs that have been in existence since Jesus wrote the book of Genesis. And if you can do any job in the world, ever, then you should always have a job, even if you have to create your own (especially if you have to create your own).

So forget about majors, and college and writing resumes. The key is learning skills. Fill a void that the world needs. Become very good (be in the top 25 percent of the world’s population) at each skill and set back and wait for the money to come in.

Until then, you might want to hold off on putting that down payment on that new bass boat.

           

Somebody Please By Me a Rolex — How To Choose The Right Watch

Summer of Change

I’ve been writing a little about my experiences with what I call The Summer of Change. (You can catch up on the serieshere, here and here. )

One of the other things I’ve had to change this summer was finding a new watch. For many years, I always tried to have the latest and greatest watch available — usually several varieties — and wore them all the time. Then a couple of years ago, — Boom! — I just stopped wearing one altogether.

·      I didn’t like the way it felt on my arm.

·      I figured didn’t really need a watch since I have a cell phone

·      I didn’t like the concept of time.

For the last couple of years, I didn’t even keep up with the time on my phone because I didn’t really buy into the concept of time.

All We Have Is Now

Physicists over the last 150 years or so have sort of debunked time. It really doesn’t exist, at least in the way we think about it. Einstein wrote a paper about time and how weird it is called the Special Theory of Relativity.

The guys at Physics Minute did a nice job of explaining here:

Time is relative. And it’s relative in your life too. Tomorrow is already gone. Tomorrow will never come. All we have is “Now.”

So I didn’t need some gizmo to tell me it was “now.” Thus, I didn’t need a watch.

Also, to me having a watch meant answering to The Man. I didn’t like The Man. I didn’t want to be a slave to The Man. I was The Man.

But in all honestly, I wasn’t The Man, I was a jerk.

Maybe you’ve experienced the same thing. But here’s the problem.  

The world we live in runs on time.

The Man and most other people, who are going to do nice things for you like make your latte and sell you Big Macs or do something simple like pay you, are all running on time.

So in the Summer of Change, I needed a new watch.

Do You Really Need A Watch?

The short answer is yes. Yes, you do. You need a watch. I’m not talking about your cell phone, I’m talking about a timepiece on your wrist. And here are 3 reasons why.

1. It’s part of your fashion statement. A watch is part of who you are. It’s one of those items that you wear that says, “Hey, this guy pays attention to the details.” It’s a nice addition to any outfit from going to the gym to business casual to boardroom attire.

2. It’s easier than digging around in your pocket. You don’t want to be continually fishing around in your pocket for a cell phone. Plus, if you are like me, you are concerned about battery life. My cell phone usually lasts all day unless I do something crazy like make a phone call or text somebody or try to use Google maps. Then it lasts about an hour.

Get a watch.

3. The rest of the world runs on time. It’s time for you to face facts. The rest of the world runs on time. Even though next week doesn’t exist, that job interview you’ve been waiting for is scheduled for then. Don’t obsess over next week’s appointment or last week’s failure — live in the now — but keep a watch around just in case The Man wants to throw more money your way.

Tips For Picking Out a Nice Watch:

1.     Pick a watch that’s classy — I know their current trend in watches is the giant watch face that looks like a grandfather clock on your wrist. Buy one of those if you wish. But also get one that will you can wear to meet your new mentor, who understands a little class.

2.     Pick a watch that’s timeless — Buy a cheap trendy watch if you must, but get a nice watch or two that will still be stylish 40 years from now.

3.     Pick a watch that costs as much as you can afford — A watch is an investment, an heirloom. It doesn’t have to be a Rolex, but if you can afford one why not?

4.     Pick a watch and wear it.

Now it’s your turn. Do you wear a watch? Do you think a timepiece on your wrist is important or do are you satisfied with your cell phone? Let us know in the comments section. Please be sure to leave a comment. And if you like The Summer of Change series, why don’t you share it on Twitter or somewhere you hang out. And don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter here.

Oh wow, look at the time. I better be going.

Being a Professional Photographer (Or whatever) in Five Simple Steps

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Talented photographer Chase Jarvis (@chasejarvis on Twitter) recently shared some insight into how to be a professional photographer. He said he gets asked a lot about what needs to be done to achieve professional status. When I read through the list, I thought this list could be for any profession, especially the creative professions. Since he is wildly successful, I figured I might take a little of his advice myself. Maybe you should too. 

Here are his steps (with a few notes from me). Thanks, Chase.

1.     Declare yourself a photographer (or whatever). Nobody is going to believe that you are a professional at anything until you do. Don’t tell people you are a full-time barista and a part-time whatever. Be a full-time whatever all the time.

2.     Make it a business. Make it real. Any business needs a few things. You need business cards. They are cheap so go out and buy some. You may need a business name and register that name with the county or state you live in. Make it real to you.

3.     Read everything about the business you want to be in. If you want to be a professional photographer, read books on photography, especially books on the business of photography. Spend your time getting better by learning from those who came before you. Read books about whatever business you are in (see what I did there?). Start today.

4.     Want to be a professional photographer? Take photos. Take photos every day. Then find a way to post those photos, online, offline, in-line, out-of-line, whatever. Edit those photos. Online display the best. Let people see your work. Then market the shit out of those photos so that people know — or at least want to know — who you are. Give them a way to see your stuff and contact you about doing more stuff. Again, this goes for any business.

5.     Repeat. Especially the last step. 

Here's a link to his original post. 

Follow him on Twitter @chasejarvis and check out his blog.

Learn to Love Yo'Self

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Next month, one of the most important lists in the history of lists will be unveiled. And that’s really say- ing something, because there has really been some important lists out there.

There’s the 308 a.d. list “Top Ten Most Eligible Roman Emperors So Far.” Septemius Severus barely edged out Commodus to take the top spot on that list. Commodus was credited for bringing hip-hop music to the Roman Empire after hiring Maximillian “D.J. Master Punch a.k.a. Slick Wack” Edwards for his State of the Empire Address after party. A good time was had by all that night.

In 2000, there was a list for everything: Best Song of the Century (“Faithfully” by Journey), Best Invention of the Century (The Slinky), and, my personal favorite, Best Snack Cake of the Century (Twinkie, duh).

But next month is the one everybody has been waiting for all year.

In November, People magazine will announce the winner of the 2011 Sexiest Man Alive competition. I only know this because I did a lit- tle research on The Internet — The Source Of All Truth. I haven’t received a call at this point on when my photo shoot might be scheduled but I can only assume it will be in the next few days.

I finished just out of the running last year when Ryan Reynolds was named the magazine’s 2010 Sexiest Man Alive. The year before that it was Johnny Depp. And in 2008 it was Hugh Jackman. In 1990, Tom Cruise was the sexiest man alive. In 1992 it was Nick Nolte.

What do we all have in common?

First, we are all men. Second, we are all sexy. Third, and maybe the

most startling commonality of all, we are all still alive.

You may ask if Tom Cruise was the sexiest man alive in 1990, why is he not still the sexiest man alive today? If Nick Nolte was the sexiest man alive in 1992, why is ... wait, why was he voted sexiest man alive at any time? What are the criteria of this list? Why haven’t I gotten a call yet?

I guess my point is, there is always somebody who comes along and is sexier. I know, dear reader, that is a hard pill to swallow, especially as you gander at my “mug shot” photo in the center of this column, but it is true. There are people, although only a handful, who are sexier than me. And there might even be a few who are sexier than you.

I tried to teach my kids that at an early age.

When my kids were little they were good at every- thing. I mean everything. They must take after their dad in that aspect.

If there was a writing com- petition, they were always at the top. If it was reading, they were right there. Grades? Yep. Sports? Come on, what do you think? They were just talented, I suppose.

Sometimes they would get discouraged. I tried to help a little by telling them somebody out there is always going to be bigger, stronger, faster, smarter, hit a ball farther, drive better, and, heck, maybe even be better looking (although it was highly unlikely, since they look a lot like their mother). All of that didn’t matter though. The important thing, I told them, was to do the best they could do. Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s a no win situation.

It’s true in sports, Holly- wood and even truer in real life.

Even if you are at the top of your game, you aren’t going to be there forever (I’m looking at you, Tiger Woods).

But I have learned it’s still important that I love me, just for being me. I want to be the best me I can be.

That concept has been around for a while, just like The Golden Rule.

In Ancient Greece, Isocrates said, “Do not do to others what would anger you if done to you by others.” Confucius once said, “Never impose on others what you would not choose for your- self.”

In the bible, Jesus tells his followers that “So in every- thing, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matt. 7:12).

For years I looked at that verse and I saw it has a guide on how we treat others. To- day, I think it should be flipped on its head.

I can’t treat other people well if I don’t like myself. I’m supposed to do to “them” like I would have them do to “me.” How I want to be treated is important. If I don’t feel like I’m worthy to be treated well, then I’m probably not going to feel that other people are worthy being treated with love and respect. If I don’t like myself, I probably won’t like others too much either.

Learning to love me has been a challenge at times. In junior high and high school I didn’t always believe that. Why? Because I always found somebody else who was better at me than something.

For many years I had the belief that I would never be the best at any one thing, so I wasn’t as good as I should be at any one thing. Then I realized that I wouldn’t be worth two cents to anybody unless I knew I was just as good as everybody else.

I am worthy of love. I am worthy of success. I am worthy of respect. I am worthy of abundance.

And so are you.

Now, if I can just get that call from People magazine. What are they waiting on?

To read more of Rodney Hays’ humor, check out his blog at www.rodneyhays.com.Follow him on Twitter and become a friend on Facebook.

It's All About Passion

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I enjoy seeing a person that really loves what they do in life.

When I was a kid, I always dreamed about being a professional athlete. It would have been so great, I thought, to play a game every day and get paid for it.

Alas, I did not make it into professional sports mostly because professional sports are completely corrupt and discriminatory and, to a lesser degree, I wasn’t very good — except football, baseball, basketball and women’s field hockey.

But I do like to see a professional athlete who understands he gets paid to play a game. He appreciates all he has been given and can’t wait to wake up the next day to go out and get paid to play this game again.

Some people — actually, just me — might call that passion. 

I’ve been doing some reading on passion lately. It seems to be one of those intangibles that is really hard to put a finger on. What exactly is passion? How do we find passion in life? Do we need passion to survive? And is passion just a fun word to say?

Let’s take a look at these questions.

What exactly is passion?

According to the dictionary, passion is described as “any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling.” It’s something that really gets your fire burning. Passion is what drives us to do what we do.

As a high school student, when my dream of becoming a professional athlete seemed to be slipping away, I only really remember having a couple of things I was passionate about: my girlfriend (who is now my wife), Sooner football and Twinkies (well, pretty much any type of snack cake treat).

Every day, and especially every weekend, would be filled with all of those things. I couldn’t wait to take my girlfriend on a date and show her a good time in Seminole, Okla. by taking in a movie and having dinner at Hardee’s.

And Sooner football meant the world to me. As long as I can remember, I’ve been a Sooner fan. I have a picture of me when I was just barely able to walk carrying a football and wearing a red helmet with the familiar interlocking O and U logo on the side. I was Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I’ll be Sooner dead.

If the Sooners won, my week was made. I was happy as a lark. Fortunately for me, the Sooners were really good in the early 1980s, so it made for plenty of happy memories.

If the Sooners lost, my day, my week, my year was ruined. I would cuss at the television. I would complain to my friends and anybody who would listen. I would sulk and be in an all-around state of depression until the next game. I took it hard because it was something I was passionate about.

I’ve grown older now, and as either the Apostle Paul or Snookie from Jersey Shore said, I’ve put  away childish things. Oh, I’m still passionate about my wife and Sooner football and Twinkies, but today I try to enjoy each moment.

I still enjoy taking my wife to the movies and to Hardee’s (is Hardee’s even around amy more?) but I also enjoy just the two of us on the couch.

And I still may cuss at the television when the Sooners aren’t doing well but if they happen to lose (and they probably won’t during this season), I can get over it pretty quickly. I doesn’t affect other areas of my life any more. It’s not that I’m not passionate any more, it’s just that my priorities have changed and my life is driven by other passions and pursuits.

I’ve even given up Twinkies and snack cakes for the most part — and that ain’t easy.

That brings me to the next question: How do we find passion in life?

Somebody once said, that we need to ask ourselves a couple of questions to discover our passions: If you knew today was your last day on earth, how would you spend it? And If money were no object, what would you do with your life?

Those questions are sometimes difficult to answer.

I’m not sure the specifics, but I know both answers would include having fun, surrounded by loved ones, dancing and singing and drinking adult beverages.

If money were no object, I would probably continue to do what I do: talk to interesting people, write about what I want, try to enjoy each and every day and occasionally change my underwear.

How important is finding passion in life?

How important is gas in your car? Your car can’t run without it. And our lives really can’t run without passion. It is our driving force. It gets us out of bed each morning. It sustains us through the rough patches. It propels us to do what we were put on this earth to do.

Passions change. They may come and go. But passions are what make us who we are and help us to accomplish what we need to accomplish.

I want to continue to define my passions so I can be the best me I can be.

And I hope the rest of you find your passion too.

If anybody out there is passionate about inventing a healthy Twinkie, can you please get on that. I’m needing one really bad.

Oh, and is passion just a fun word to say? Of course it is, silly.

To read more of Rodney Hays’ humor, check out his blog at www.rodneyhays.com.Follow him on Twitter and become a friend on Facebook.

Mark Off KISS from the Bucket List

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I finally got to see a KISS concert. Oh, and Ozzy Osbourne too.

Well, let’s be honest here, I didn’t actually see the real KISS and Ozzy in concert — they were tribute bands — but it was almost as good for this old Oklahoma boy.

The tribute bands were called Blizzard of Oz and Destroyer and that played last weekend at the House of Blues in Dallas. I went because I thought it would be a hoot and because I’ve never been to the House of Blues and I heard they served alcohol.

KISS, for those of you who may not know, is a band that started in 1973 by Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley. The two were joined by Peter Criss and Ace Frehley. Criss played the drums, Frehley was the lead guitar, while Stanley played guitar and provided most of the vocals. Simmons was the bass player and by far the weirdest dude in the band and, perhaps, on the planet.

The band did something that very few bands were doing at the time: they wore make-up and crazy costumes — including Simmons’ thigh-high boots that looked like dragons — during all their concerts and live appearances. Their gimmick was make-up, theatrical tricks and some pretty good music.

Simmons was quite a sight to behold back in the 1970s and 1980s. He was known to spit blood, shoot fire from his mouth and look like a nut. While the group Destroyer did a great job matching the make-up and sounds of the original KISS, I couldn’t help thinking about how the fake Gene Simmons joined the band. Was it possibly through an advertisement on Craigslist?

Wanted: Bass player for local tribute band. Must have hair long enough to be tied up in a pony tail on top. Make-up application skills preferable but not required. Must be able to fit into a pair of thigh-high dragon boots, size 12. Must be able to lick whipped cream off your own Adam’s apple. The ability and willingness to hold large amounts of blood in your mouth for several minutes during a live performance. Flexible schedule and Mondays off. Paid holidays and a competitive benefits plan is offered to the right candidate. Some experience required.

Whatever they did, they got the right group of guys together. You could tell they worked pretty hard to look and sound like KISS.

I wasn’t a big KISS fan when I was a kid. I grew up in the 1970s and KISS was on my radar but I didn’t really pay attention. My friend Todd and his brother Randy were KISS aficionados and tried to get me to appreciate the greatness of the band. I couldn’t do it.

Truth be told, I was little afraid of KISS. Rumors were flying that the members of the band worshipped the one who shall remain nameless (Editor’s Note: Satan). The letters in KISS supposedly stood for Knights In Satan’s Service. The logo also looked like the SS letters from Nazi Germany (which would have been weird since Gene Simmons is Jewish). They were a lot of bad vibes given out by this band.

I couldn’t be a part of something like that when I was a kid. Oh yeah, when “I Wanna Rock N Roll All Night” or “Beth” or “I Was Made for Loving You” came on the radio, I sang along just like all my friends. But I tried to deny that it was KISS singing the songs. It was just another cool band from the 1970s like The Bee Gees, or Supertramp or David Gates and Bread.

But the other night I couldn’t deny it. That was KISS singing those great tunes (well, not actual KISS, it was Destroyer, but still). Those were KISS songs. And the whole audience was singing along just like Gene and Paul and Peter and Ace were up there singing and playing away.

I have to say that I’ve grown a little bit since I was a youngster. I have a little bit more of an open mind to some stuff.

When I was a kid the concept of KISS scared the heck out of me. If I listened to them too long, surely I would be shuttled off to the hot place where the Devil lives, I thought. I couldn’t take that chance, so I stuck with Chicago, and Neil Sedaka and Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons. These were wholesome acts that every family could be proud of.

In the years since, I have learned that a lot of what bands do are just for show. Strip off all the make-up and the boots and the leather outfits and the long hair and they are just like you and me except they are talented and go home with get paid millions of dollars. Take away all the theatrics and you are left with a band that likes to play music and entertain people. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes I think things we don’t understand just make us want to write it all off and it doesn’t have to be that way.

Maybe we could all learn from the great philosopher Ozzy Osbourne and his ballad, “Crazy Train”:

“Crazy, but thats how it goes

Millions of people living as foes

Maybe its not to late

To learn how to love

And forget how to hate”

There still a few things that freak me out about KISS. I’m not a huge fan of blood so I could have done without the spitting of water with red food coloring. But if you close your eyes and just listen to the music, you might just enjoy the band. I know I did.

I like KISS and Ozzy — and their tribute bands — just as much as I enjoy George Strait, Conway Twitty and Alan Jackson. They are almost as good as Journey and Foreigner and 38 Special.

But, of course, they will never replace icons like Michael Jackson, Elvis and the Pet Shop Boys.

To read more of Rodney Hays’ humor, check out his blog at www.rodneyhays.com.Follow him on Twitter and become a friend on Facebook.

Get Off That Merry-Go-Round

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As fall approaches, one of the things I look forward to every year is the state fair. To be honest I don’t go to the fair very much — mostly out of fear of being shot or accosted in some way in downtown Dallas — but I went last year and I’m sure I’ll go again this year.

One of my favorite things to do is to walk down the midway, watch the people and eat a funnel cake. I love funnel cakes.

I have to admit, the food of the midway has gotten a little out of hand over the past decade or so. Now, it seems every vendor has to get a little more creative than the next by frying something different. At last year’s fair, I sampled deep-fat fried Snickers bars (it was okay), deep-fat fried Twinkies (this should never happen to America’s favorite treat) and deep-fat fried fat (it was delicious).

I used to love riding all the rides on the midway, but that was when I was much younger, more agile, and didn’t care that it costs $75 to ride one ride.

I say I used to like to ride “every” ride, but I guess that’s not exactly true. Even when I was much younger, I never did like to ride the rides that take you round and round and round.

My first experience on a round-and-round ride was when I was probably 5 or 6 years old. My aunt and uncle came over and we all went to the Oklahoma State Fair in Oklahoma City. We were having a great time, eating hot dogs and fat (that was before anyone thought to deep-fat fry fat). We were stuffed to the rim with food and fun.

It was about that time we all decided to ride The Avalanche.

The Avalanche is one of those rides where two people fit in a car on a small track that goes round-and-round while going up-and-down a hill. There is usually loud music involved of the rock n roll variety. I believe it was 1971, so the music was probably Led Zepplin’s “Stairway to Heaven,” “Aqualung” by Jethro Tull or “Baby I’m-a Want You” by Bread. Now that I think about it, it was probably the Zepplin song, but I could be wrong.

We got on the ride and laughed and joked until the fun commenced. The ride jerked to a start and we all held our hands in the air and laughed an evil laugh.

“Hold your hands up,” I shouted to nobody in particular. “This is probably the most fun I’ve had in my life.”

It probably wasn’t the most fun I’d had up until that point, but what did I know. The ride was probably going for two minutes when it started to slow. Our laughs slowed down as well to a slow giggle. I started reaching for my belt to get out of the car.

Then it happened.

“Now we’re gonna go backwards,” the cracked-out carnival worker from behind the glass shouted into the microphone.

“Yeah, let’s go backwards,” Uncle Art shouted.

“No,” I said. “I’m ready to get off. Enough fun already.”

For the next two minutes, the cars went backwards around the track, forcing our heads down and to the left.

“Are you still having fun,” my Uncle Art shouted over Zepplin.

“I’m about to throw up,” I said.

I spent 30 minutes after the ride with my head between my knees, trying not to throw up deep-fried bile. I was mad at my Uncle for wanting the ride to go backwards. My Aunt Jo cheered me up a little when she said, “don’t worry. Your uncle was a little green under the gills too.”

Green under the gills? That was the first time I ever heard that phrase. It was strange, but I understood what it meant. I think.

Sometimes life is like that.

We get up that merry-go-round of life with all the loud calliope music and the plastic, colorful horses made to look like they are at full gallop. It’s enticing to get up there on those horses and ride and try to grab that golden ring each time it comes around.

The problem is the merry-go-round doesn’t go anywhere. The plastic steeds are just that: fake. They don’t gallop. They don’t stretch their legs as they deliver their rider to greener pastures. The golden ring is always just out of reach. The calliope music drowns out any conversation with our self and others.

Rides that go round and round and round tend to only give us motion sickness: It makes us just a little “green under the gills,” as Aunt Jo might say. 

That’s the way I felt a couple of years ago as I tried to get back control of my life and shut the ride off for a little bit. I was on the merry-go-round and it would not stop.

It was all fun and games at first. Then the sparkle of the ride wears off because the scenery never changes and we want off. But it just keeps going round and round.

My life was confined to a small space in a 360-degree circle.

The problem is with this ride, there’s no cracked-out carnival worker to stop this ride. I had to make the decision to stop the merry-go-round and get off. I wanted to explore the other parts of the midway of life. I wanted to meet some other people and experience other riches the world has to offer.

So, I grabbed the reins of that plastic horse, yelled stop, and walked right off that crazy ride.

For a while I had to sit with my head between my knees and contemplate what the next step was, while trying to hold down my lunch. But I did it.

I still get on the ride every now and again. Now, I enjoy it for what it is: a temporary distraction. Then I get off the ride, go explore the world. Eat. Drink. Be Merry.

And every now and again, I look for something deep-fried to eat.

To read more of Rodney Hays’ humor, check out his blog at www.rodneyhays.com.Follow him on Twitter and become a friend on Facebook.