Monday, February 06, 2012

Some People Think We're Dumb

One thing about Americans is just about all of us hate to be called "dumb." We ain't dumb if you would allow me to say.

The United States of America has been a leader of the free world since pretty much the beginning of time or around 632 B.C. Does that sound like a bunch of dummies to you? Me neither.

Some people have a different belief, however.

I watched a special the other day debating whether America will ever lead in science again. There was a time when the rest of the world looked to America to see what the latest and greatest gadget would be. It was all about everyday things like airplanes, electricity, cars, air conditioning and feral hogs.

Now people wonder where the next great invention will come from. We sent a man to the moon, but will we be able to go farther? We were the first to talk on cell phones but what will the future of communication be? A vaccine that wiped out polio, a crippling disease of many young people, came from an American lab? Who will cure cancer? What about AIDS?

We are slipping behind in things like math and science but, of course we are still the greatest nation on earth when it comes to football, basketball, baseball and NASCAR. Now more and more foreigners are coming to our universities in exchange for us using their brains to create and invent the next wave of life-changing stuff. But will that continue? Will America succeed? Will America regain its rich heritage of being the top nation in the world?

I think, yes. And let me tell you why.

We still invent some of the best stuff in the world.

Let me explain.

Plastic Surgery — That's right Americans may not have been the first to put plastic surgery on the map, but we sure have perfected it. If you are an American and you don't like your body, just save up a couple of thousand dollars and get it fixed. That's your God-given right as a U.S. American. To the rest of the world: You. Are. Welcome.

Franken Foods — Americans have done a great job of taking perfectly good all-natural foods and made them even better all-natural-man-made-foods. Scientists got together about 50 years ago and said, "Mother Nature did all right, but we can do so much better." It was American scientists who brought us things like Lipton Cup-o-Soup, Cran-Apple drink and something called Lunchables. Come on rest of the world, catch up.

Applications for Cell Phones — Applications, or apps as the young up and comers call them, for cell phones are the newest rage. Since we invented smart phones a couple of years ago, apps have really taken off. Now, because of American ingenuity, we can play with angry birds, strike up fake lighters, make flatulent sounds, identify the name of a song, or find our friends all from the comfort of our homes. There are also plenty of apps available for the office, including iNaps, which makes office-like sounds (mouse clicks, coughs and rustling papers) so that the owner can take a nap at the office. I use it all the time and I mostly work from home. It's a great hit. You. Are. Welcome.

Pajama Jeans — Hey, rest of the world, while you are out there trying to solve complex problems don't you wish you could do it all from the comfort of your jammies? Sure you do. That's why Americans invented pajama jeans. They look like regular jeans but made with the same material as some of the more popular pajamas. Now, you may think that's a waste of time and a tad unprofessional, but I wear mine on a daily basis and I continue to churn out award-winning humor columns. You. Are. Welcome.

Reality television — Reality television pretty much started right here in the good Ol' U.S. of A. Remember MTV's "The Real World," which started in 1992. Some may argue that the first reality television show really started much early than that. In my search of the Internet — The Source of All Truth — the very first reality television show started in 1732 with the premier of "Say Yes to the Powdered Wig." It was a big hit with many people across the northeast, although it never quite caught on in Texas. To the rest of the world: Actually, I want to apologize on behalf of all Americans for reality television.

Okay, so maybe we need some education reforms. Maybe we do need to stress science and math over some of the other subjects in high school. It might be a good idea for kids to not think it's uncool to be smart and start dominating in math and science. Maybe we should get off our lazy duffs and create some stuff that will help make the world a better place.

Maybe we should allow schools to start teaching kids to think again and not just have them "remember."

After all, we don't need help "remembering," there's an app for that.

No comments: