By Rodney Hays
If I heard that question once, I've heard it a million times over the past weekend. Everyone wants to know which team I'm on.
Read on to find out.
For those of you who might have been living under a rock or aren't a teenage girl, the Team Jacob vs. Team Edward question refers to which one girls would rather be attacked by: a werewolf or a vampire. Some girls decide getting mauled by a giant wolf named Jacob would be the perfect ending to short life, others feel being ripped to shreds by a glittery vampire might be the way to leave this world for the nether regions.
Edward and Jacob are characters in "The Twilight Saga" series. There have been three movies so far, the most recent one, The Twilight Sage: Al Gore Is A Vampire, was hugely successful at the box office.
Just kidding. It actually flopped.
Seriously, the Twilight movies are based on a four-pack of books by wildly successful author Stephenie Meyer.
The books have sold millions of copies around the world, including some parts of Iowa and Nebraska.
There are still a few people who may not have read the books due to the following reasons: A) You are waiting on the movies. B) You are waiting on someone to read them to you. Or C) You are a man.
I have to admit that I read all four of the books and I even found myself cheering for the wolves and the vampires to eat Iowa and Nebraska.
But alas, they do not eat Iowa or Nebraska, but they do have some pretty good fight scenes, including one where Bella (the heroine of the book) is fighting with Edward (the vampire of the book) about where to get the best tacos in Washington.
Haha. That's a joke. Washington doesn't have tacos.
In the first book (and movie) Twilight, we are introduced to Bella, Edward and Jacob, three teenagers in or near Forks, Washington. Actually we find out that Edward isn't really a teenager at all but a "21 Jump Street" type character who is actually in his 70s but doesn't look a day older than 25. He is also very skinny, has strange amber-colored eyes, drives a Volvo and reads Dilbert cartoons in his spare time.
Jacob isn't actually from a small town outside of Forks called LaPush. He is from a native American tribe known for its rich history in ridding the greater Forks area of vampires and other blood-sucking creatures, like Dick Cheney and Dianne Feinstein.
Bella is a clumsy girl who recently left her mother in Arizona to live with her dad in rainy Washington. She finds the weather in Washington fits in very well with her pasty white skin and her overly drab personality.
In the first book, we get to watch as Bella falls madly in love with Edward and Edward falls madly in love with the Sonic Drive-In and their delicious fried pickles.
That's a joke. Edward falls for Bella too ... or does he.
The other books are basically the continuation of this forbidden love and all the obstacles the two have to overcome to get married in what many people call a "starter marriage."
There have been three movies so far based on the books. The latest, "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" came out last week to record-setting crowds. The movie opened last Wednesday and through the weekend collected as estimated $175.3 million in the United States and Canada. It was just $3.6 million short of the November opening of "New Moon," the movie based on the second Twilight book.
Several other records were broken with the release of the movie, including Most Teenagers Attending a Movie Dressed like Vampires, Most Dads Asking "You Want to See What?", and "Most Wolves With Six-Packs In a Movie About Vampires."
The movies star three up and coming actors: Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen, Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan and Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black. All three actors have become hotter than a Bearden, Okla. sidewalk.
But possibly the biggest story in all of this is the books' author Stephenie Meyer.
According to the bio on the author's website, "Stephenie Meyer's life changed dramatically on June 2, 2003. The stay-at-home mother of three young sons woke up from a dream featuring seemingly real characters that she could not get out of her head."
Meyer started writing seven years ago and now is No. 26 on the 2009 Forbes Top Celebrity 100 List. She was expected to earn around $50 million in 2009. That's not bad money.
As a writer of articles, columns, short stories and plenty of drivel, I am very happy for Meyer. She has done a great thing catching fire with books that people -- especially young girls -- seem to like and somehow connect with.
I read the books, because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. They aren't bad. Just because they aren't as good as "Travels With Charley" by John Steinbeck doesn't mean the books aren't American classics.
And the movies seem to be pretty well done with lots of great special effects.
I'm looking forward to some of the crowds dying down so I can go see the latest movie. I'll be the guy with the glasses and big floppy hat sitting near the back in the Imax theater.
I wish all the kids from Twilight well. I wish Stephenie Meyer well. And I wish movie popcorn was less than $20.
Oh and by the way, I'm a fan of Team Alice Cullen. That girl rocks.
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