Friday, November 06, 2009

In Perspective - Double Vision is a Good Thing, Right?

In 1978, Foreigner had a hit in "Double Vision." Do you remember that one? If not, go to your computer right now, turn it on, open up the Internet -- The Source of All Truth -- do a search on "Double Vision," close out of the windows trying to sell you Viagra and click on the song.

Feeling down 'n' dirty, feeling kinda mean
I've been from one to another extreme
It's time I had a good time, ain't got time to wait
I wanna stick around 'till I can't see straight

Kids, that is the greatness of Foreigner. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Now, there is a kind of double vision that has plenty wrong with it.

There was a story I was reading about on the Internet -- The Source of All Truth -- from the Christian Science Monitor (Motto: We Monitor Everything in Christian Science) about how North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il might have some body doubles.

That's right, I was shocked too. You mean there's actually guys -- or possibly girls -- in North Korea who get paid to dress up like Halloween every day of the year in the outfit of their favorite character: Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il? That's correct, boys and girls. It is a distinct possibility.

Many people from Asia are now saying that Jong-Il is way too sick to be making all the appearances he has been making -- mostly at Wal-Marts and Burger Kings across the greater Pyongyang area.

One Jong-Il expert even claims that Dear Leader died in 2003 and a body double has been used in his place since then.


Not really.

Many political leaders use body doubles. Saddam Hussein of Iraq used body doubles all the time. Some people even say that George W. Bush used body doubles, including Will Ferrell in a Saturday Night Live skit.

It makes sense then that Dear Leader would need some body doubles, not only because he's sickly but because he is -- how do I put this? -- crazy as a feather-down pillow.

You have to be just a little crazy to wear those Jack LeLanne jumpsuits, those crazy 1970s evangelist glasses he wears and that wild troll-looking hair-do he has. He is seriously just a little off his rocker.

The even bigger story is that Jong-Il may have used a body double when he met former President Bill Clinton in August.

Evidently, according to the story, Clinton went to North Korea in August because he wanted to, and I quote, "party someplace north of the 38th Parallel."

That's a joke.

He was actually over there trying to free two American journalists who were being "detained" by the Dear Leader of North Korea.

It was rumored that Jong-Il actually suffered a stroke in August 2008 and wasn't in the best shape since then and probably would have been unable to meet with Clinton. So Clinton met with the next best thing, a guy dressed up in a Jack LeLanne jumpsuit with crazy 1970s evangelist glasses and a shock of troll-like hair. For all intents and purposes he was Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il.

I really don't see what the big deal is.

Raise your hand if you've seen "Dave"? It was a 1993 movie starring Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver as Dave.

Just kidding.

"Dave" was about a person who looked exactly like the President and was called into duty when the real president had a stroke and the vice president wasn't up to taking over (much like Dick Cheney). Dave wound up doing a pretty good job of being president with his motto "a chicken in every pot and a box of Twinkies in every cupboard." It didn't take long for Sigourney Weaver to figure out that Kevin Kline was not actually the President, but was, in fact, Jason from the Subway sandwich commercials.

In the end, everyone goes back to being their normal self except Ving Rhames who became Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.

I probably could have been paid big money being a body double myself. Lots of people told me that I looked a lot like Bill Clinton when I was younger (not the president, but Bill Clinton the mechanic from Great Neck, New York).

I could have played birthday parties, bar mitzvahs, weddings and even showed up at your work to try and talk to your boss about "that raise you've been wanting."

Needless to say, I never did that. Instead I dressed up like an award-winning humor columnist and sang karaoke.

My most requested song? Well it's actually "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga but I can also do "Double Vision" by Foreigner.

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